It’s already early November, which means one thing around my house — no need to start Christmas shopping for another month at least.
OK, OK, so I wouldn’t suggest this annual policy for anyone else, but as a lifetime media member, sometimes I do my best work under the stress of a deadline.
But if I were ever to adopt a more sound practice for dealing with Christmas shopping for family and friends — and wife and daughter, wife and daughter, wife and daughter, and before I forget to mention them, my wife and daughter — this weekend provides me with the best opportunity of all. That’s because Pinehurst Resort is offering its annual end-of-season clearance retail sale this weekend in the St. Andrews Room of the Resort Club. (Friday and Saturday, 9-5; Sunday 9-3)
So with that said, I’ve decided to take this ample opportunity and run with it. I’m going to mow down my Christmas list in a matter of a few hours. I’m giving myself a budget of $500. Let’s see what I can get with that:
Let’s go ahead and start working on my lovely wife. She always comes first, you know. Always. Every time. No matter what I say. Or do. Or don’t say. Or don’t do.
Let’s move on.
Callaway Moccasin Golf Shoes $62.50 (50 percent discount)
These are awesome, and she needs new golf shoes anyway. Actually, she needs to take the game up again. Because if she plays, I play…more.
Vera Bradley Bags (50 percent discount)
16 bucks after the discount. These go in the shopping bag with no questions asked. When she opens the gift on Christmas day, she can try to act coy as she goes about searching to check the label. But she will check the label. And she will smile. I know this because I’m married.
Hundreds upon hundreds of Ladies shirts and sweaters. Dozens of ladies shorts. All sizes. All ranging from 20-60-percent off.
Just pick something out, Dear, and tell me when to sign. Oh, and do you think your mother will like this? Good, put it in the pile.
Long-sleeve Fleece Sweater $29.50 (75 percent discount)
This might be the best deal in the building. Originally $118, any golfer would want this. Check my dad off the list.
Black Oxford Sweater $65 (50 percent discount)
Another no-brainer. This one may go under the tree with my name on it. Durable, heavy and the Putter Boy. I promise to act surprised when I open it. Honest.
Kids Golf Shirts (Green $33, Pink $24, both 50 percent discounts)
Oh yeah, right. My daughter. Glad you brought her up. She has a pink striped Pinehurst polo that I picked up for her in the summer. She wore it when she met Nick Faldo at Pinehurst recently. (She had no idea who Nick Faldo was. She’s 9. Still, she wanted to wear the shirt that day. She’s learning…) These are easy choices.
Pinehurst Onesie $25.20 (40 percent off)
For a friend. Always start ‘em early.
Under Armor golf shirt $49.20 (40 percent discount)
For the brother-in-law, brother, friend, dad, whomever. A home run…
…And hundreds of sizes, styles, colors and several name brands to choose from, all 20-60-percent off this weekend. All emblazoned with Pinehurst’s iconic Putter Boy logo.
Puma golf shirts $54 (40 percent discount)
Know a teen golfer? Early 20s? Ever hear of Rickie Fowler? Grab this, maybe one in blue…and green…and…just do it and thank me on Christmas. You’ve scored.
Puma Pinehurst hats $20 (50 percent discount)
…And orange…and green…and black… and white…
You’ve just scored again. Get them now and the kid will fit right in at the U.S. Kids Championship at Pinehurst next summer.
Pinehurst T-Shirt $21 (50 percent discount)
A T-shirt is never just a T-shirt. It says something about you. The style, the message, the way it fits. And it gives a glimpse of what you like and how you like it. This one is classic. Just classic.
I’ll act surprised again, OK?
Pinehurst Logo Hats $5 (Insane Discount)
Look at the price again. Go ahead, I’ll give you a minute…
(Waiting. Waiting. Don’t mind me, I’m good. Proceed after you pick yourself up off the floor.)
Good. Have a seat, because…
There’s a whole table of them.
I’m not kidding.
Go ahead and buy 12. Even that guy at work you don’t like will start treating you better after one of these. And if that person also doubles as your boss, all the better.
You’re welcome. Merry Christmas.
FINAL TALLY: $504
OK, so that figure includes about $100 on ladies shorts and shirts (mother-in-law, etc.) and just one hat.
So, if I put these shorts back, I can pick up 6-to-8 more hats.
Like I said, I’ll act surprised.